bronzed

holes of horror in minds in hearts in arms where the fire of life is given in hopes of a miracle holes everywhere you looked in subway systems in cars in souls gaping wounds gushing emotions flowing tears oozing astonishment papers, ash, shrapnel, body parts all lay in the open confused faces, silence permiating where the buildings fell.

saltine tears shimmer in the moonlight memories overwhelm pictures replaying endless loop in the mind on the screen it cant be real its been years feels like mere moments cloud of debris covers heart and mind faces frozen shock, screams no one can believe is this reality? stunned silence envelops the world hundreds dead in seconds minutes, hours play out in slow motion seems unreal some sick movie alas. its real. unable to see, disbelief unable to breathe, paralyzed unsung heros soon known to all billions mourn in a thousand languages simply because they know it was real.

Hate courses through the body Like blood through the veins It wells up inside And it feels good. Hate at the world, Hate at one\'s self Hate for everything that was and ever will be. The only solution is pain and destruction Of the Self And of others. But there is nothing around to use To expell these feelings (Except word and pen) So to save it all, this is written. February 28th; March 13th, 1997

Purity (a poem) 4-6-2001                   the humidity seeps into my skin like water would a towel                   i watch myself soak it up and wonder                   how i have lived through another winter                   without the light of the sun to warm my blood.                   my soul stirs as the mist hits my face                   i feel the spring around me and i smile,                   stretch my arms out                   spin around like a child                   dont care how it looks                   my emotions pure                   too pure for some                   the mist doesnt kno

my life... 5-29-2001                   four steps up                   i head left                   down ten or fifteen steps                   hard, crushed red imitation velvet covered plastic seat                   windows before and behind me                   people to the left and the right                   the world starts to move                   slowly then faster                   then slowly again                   fragmented earth                   fragmented sky                   anticipation building with every minute                   soon the time comes                   i rise              

lonliness 4-12-2001                   it pervades my soul                   its all i know...                   alone while i watch tv                   alone while i talk on the phone                   alone while i write papers                   alone while i read                   alone while i study                   alone while i smile                   alone while i celebrate                   alone while i cry                   alone while i beat the walls in frustration                   alone while i wonder why no one cares

binge 4-13-02                                                   the smell fills my nostrils                   my mouth begins to water                   i see the steam raise into the air                   the cheese hits my tongue                   and it begins                   the stream of food to my mouth never ends                   im too ashamed to stop                   too weak to purge                   cant do anything but eat                   feel bad about eating                   get depressed                   eat for comfort                   cant purge...cant purge....                   my bo

chances...  12/6/2001   i take chances every day... cross the street when i should be waiting for the cars to go by first... standing in the middle of the road while cars and trucks whiz past me on either side with inches to spare. wondering what it would feel like to step into the way... would the cars stop? would it cause an accident? i ponder these questions while standing on the yellow lines in the middle of university avenue. i take chances. every single day. just hoping against hope that god will step in and do the rest.